~endofeternity

Edmund Burke's "Enquiry into the Sublime and Beautiful" brings up the concept of clear expression versus strong expression. I have never been one for clear expression but that's what the world revolves around. 8.1 Megapixels and 24" LCD screens and 2.59 and 9/10ths for a gallon of gasoline. Maybe that's why I feel like I don't fit into this world so well.

Ever feel like no matter how hard you try to express or explain yourself and your actions/emotions/thoughts, you just can't?

I find it's the hardest to apologize. This is because to overcome the strong expressions you've made in the past, you have to stir up even stronger expressions to override the previous ones. And when those previous statements were an absolute truth. When they were words that belonged to passion and things as they were felt; when they were words that 'raised a a very great degree of the sublime', it's hard to find more words to override those previous expressions. And for that, for that incapability I am burdened with, I am sorry.

One day the dormant writer that exists somewhere in the back of my mind ,who furiously scribbles vacant and erratic details onto scraps of paper that don't exist, will return.

I'm just not sure when.<3

TEN Random Things About Me
1. I work too much sometimes
2. I am almost done with my theater minor
3. I almost lost my eye when I was three
4. I love the movie Caddyshack
5. I hate golf. But I love driving the carts around.
6. I want a .357 magnum, smith and wesson, 6'' barrel
7. I hate taking baths because I am too tall to fit in the tub correctly
8. I love coffee in just about any form - but my favorite is straight up black.
9. I love Swisher Sweets
10. I've made a pair of pants

NINE Ways To Win My Heart
1. kiss my forehead
2. know that I love dark chocolate & espresso beans
3. take me to 'your spot'
4. be liberal
5. be intelligent and have common sense
7. be a big dog lover
8. musically inclined
9. play with my hair

EIGHT Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1. Own both a harley and a crotch rocket
2. change someone's life
3. get married
4. Drive a Ferrari
5. build a hot rod/classic with my dad
6. watch my sisters get married to great guys
7. find stability
8. mosaic a table

SEVEN Ways To Annoy Me
1. Act like you know everything
2. Ask me what's wrong a lot
3. By being needy
4. act stupid
5. ask me to change
6. don't clean
7. by being lazy

SIX Things I Believe In
1. God
2. Heaven and Hell
3. That my family will always be there for me.
4. Carpe Diem.
5. That every woman has the right to choose
6. Everyone should have a dog.

FIVE Things I'm Afraid Of
1. My family dying
2. The dark
3. Being murdered
4. Not being a good English teacher
5. Never finding stability

FOUR Favorite Items In My Room
1. My votive tree
2. My bear
3. My bed is ALWAYS here for me.
4. Holiday Cheer candle

THREE Things I Do Everyday
1. Work on something
2. listen to music
3. think about my family - usually my sisters

TWO Things I Want To Do Right Now
1. Sleep for 24 hours
2. Kick him in the shin for being REALLY obnoxious

ONE Person I Want to See Right Now
1. Mallory

Which Song or Band....

Reminds you of an ex-lover: Depeche Mode
Reminds you of your best friend: Greenwheel - Shelter
Makes you cry: Kenny Chesney - There Goes my Life
Makes you laugh: The Bloodhound Gang
Reminds you of the one you once wanted:Cadillac Blindside
You wish you wrote: Switchfoot - Stars
You never want to hear again: most country
You want to get married to: there's a couple
You used to hate but now love: Ashlee Simpson - I Didn't Steal your Boyfriend
You like to wake up to: Third Eye Blind
You like out of your parent’s record collection: Chumbawumba / Neil Diamond / Billy Joel / Heart / The Cars
You love that you wouldn’t know about if it wasn’t for a friend: Cadillac Blindside
Makes you think of someone who died: There's one song that I don't know the title to - makes me think of my grandma
You sing in the shower: I don't sing in the shower
You sing when you’re alone: varies
You love the video more than the tune: uh... I don't watch MTV
Reminds you of your first crush: like I remember
You love which is from a movie: I'm Alright-Kenny Loggins (I think) - Caddyshack
Makes you think of the moon: uhh...
Makes you think of stars: yeah see above...
Makes you think of the sun: I'm done now...
Makes you think of the night: see above again...
Makes you want to kiss someone: a ton
Makes you think of sex: anything by Missy Elliot
Makes you think of being alone: ....
Has only been released recently but you love already: Like I know what's being released...
Tag someone:

"There is a time to stop reading, there is a time to STOP trying to WRITE, there is a time to kick the whole bloated sensation of ART out on its whore-ass."

Charles Bukowski

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It's 6:22 a.m. and I have not been to bed yet.

Instead I've cleaned the kitchen, taken out all the trash, showered, packed for tomorrow, watched two episodes of Full house, made tomato soup and cheddar cheese, and surfed dA.

Now I think I'm going to read another chapter of A Beautiful Mind before I crash for a short nap, but before I go, can you tell me what makes a picture? What makes it unique or original? What makes that particular picture stand out from every other picture?

I don't know. I guess I was just thinking about dabbling in photography (although I know squat diddly about it) but I don't want to do it because I don't know if it'll be something that will stand out. Something that will really reflect me.

Whatever.

Just so you know, I am here. Life is insanely laid-back right now. Just working a lot and hanging out. Yet I still can't figure anything out.

I still read all of your words, still look at all of your pictures, I just don't have much to say anymore.

Just got back from a four day therapy trip. Stayed in San Diego, got sunburned, met new people.

Forgot about everything in Tucson, and ignored the parental units.

Really...like I said, not much for me to say, or you to read. Just know I'm here, even if I don't say anything to you.

- oh wait, I meant pagers.


Because this is too crappy to post as a 'polished deviation' :

Screaming past my ears
The world is spinning madly
Everything is so off kilter
The earth’s axis has turned
My mind is trying to remember
My body is trying to stop
But it seems as if I’m in overdrive

I don’t know what to do
Where to go
Who to turn to.

I know where to go
But my eyes are glued shut

I know what to do
But my brain ceases to function

I know who to turn to
But they always turn a deaf ear

It all comes to a grinding halt
I hit the atmosphere with a thud
Slide down slowly, crumple into a heap
Bloodied and bruised
Nutrition lady looks down at me sadly
Yes dear, you’ve finally hit the wall.

"Hitting the wall" is actually a scientific term. It's when your body, completely starved of glucose and glycogen, gives out. You can go no further. So far it's taken three days to cure it. Kinda. Slept. a lot. Read Gentle Ben - amazing. Been crafty. Studied (kinda, sorta, not really). Played with the pooch.

I'm going to bed now. to sleep some more. It takes more than three days to cure two months plus of serious sleep deprivation.